i am having a tough time lately. strictly speaking, i'm way past middle age, as i doubt that i'll live to be much older than 80 or so. my energy level is so low that i have to check my pulse periodically to make sure i'm still among the living. it seems that i'm past the age of full-time employment, and though i love my job at the book shop i still struggle to figure out what the hell to do with my life. other than my 8 year old arthritic dog, there is no one to take care of and i can't seem to get my ass out of the house for productive pursuits.
i spent a couple of weeks with my sister recently and we realized that we feel more inspired and creative when we're together. unfortunately, we live 2,428 miles apart. our dream is to live next door to each other and share a creative space to do our work together. it's a wonderful thing to envision, but the fact of the matter is, we're running out of time for such dreams, so we have to make the most of our once or twice a year visits and pretend they are enough to keep us going.
it was a luxury to have someone i could talk to about anything and everything, no waiting. as i result i didn't feel the urgency to write while i was gone. having an interested, supportive person to talk to was great, but in her absence i realized that writing is equally important and necessary to my mental health. not writing for several weeks makes me feel like i'm starting all over again. i feel unhinged and unfocused and out of sorts. and cranky.
so what do i do? ms. taylor's advice seems sage at this point. certainly whining doesn't help. i've allowed myself to boo-hoo about being back to my regular life for too long and now it's time to get back on the proverbial horse and move forward. i'll throw myself completely into my bookshop gig and stay awake and aware for all of the opportunities to interact with people. i'll be kinder to my friends and my family and to those i don't know. i will continue to write to figure out my world. when you think about it, what more can any of us do?